Blame & Responsibility

Blame is the Judge - Responsibility is the Learner

I was sitting at my desk reading the book "Change Your Question, Change Your Life" by Marlee Adams. What a valuable lesson. I learned that there is a difference between "Who's to blame" and "What are my responsible?. Blame and responsibility seem, at first glance, to be the same. But if you take a different look, you will discover that "Blame" is a judge and "Responsibility" is a learner. There is a world of difference between them.

Moment of Truth -- "If we would have new knowledge, we must get us a whole new world of new questions." Susanne K. Langer

What would you say to the person who had the responsibility to one day vote for you to get out of prison? This question haunts me as I get closer to when I will become eligible for parole. The possibility that the people who hold my life in their hands may not have existed when I began my prison sentence. I had to do 30 years before I would be eligible for parole. My parole officer, in all probability, was not born when I was imprisoned. That thought hit me like a ton of bricks. What do you do as a teenager with 60 years sentence, having to do 30 years before you are eligible for parole? There were no self-help books you could order from Amazon to help you comprehend the magnitude of what was ahead of me. There were no "How to" books that would guide me step by step along with my prison experience. They say life is the best teacher. She was my hardest teacher.

There were no self-help books you could order from Amazon to help you comprehend the magnitude of what was ahead of me. There were no "How to" books that would guide me step by step along with my prison experience.

Blame - The Judge

I blamed having a lengthy prison sentence on an unfair judicial system. I blamed so many different things and different people for why I was in my predicament. I even tried to minimize the impact of my crime. I repeatedly told others that I was only the getaway driver. As if "only being the getaway driver" lessened the hurt on my victim. True, I was just the getaway driver. My actions were just as wrong as the person who got out of the car. I could have just as easily driven away when he got out of the vehicle. Focusing on blame blinded me from seeing the problem and the solution. Blame was paralyzing me. I moped and complained to anyone who would listen. I sunk into depression, which felt like quicksand. As long as "I was Blaming, I Kept Falling."

Responsibility - The Learner

When I accepted responsibility, it became my rope connected to my tree of freedom. I grabbed this rope of responsibility and pulled myself out of the quicksand. This is when I begin the path to a better future. I took responsibility for the action that led me to prison. Accepting responsibility, I found freedom while doing time.

Changing your question does change your life. Great results begin with great questions. Thinks about the question you ask yourself. We open our minds, eyes, and hearts with the right questions. With our questions, we learn, connect and create. Think about every situation you encounter. You can get the best answers when you ask the best questions first. At work or in your personal life, what questions do you ask? These are my favorite questions:

• What assumption am I making?

• How else can I think about this?

• What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?

I love this quote by Albert Einstein. "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when creating them." Think about it. Question scan totally shifts our perspective, moving us into fresh new ways of looking at problems. Either you have your questions, or your questions have you. What question are you asking yourself today?

Please share a question you asked yourself that changed your perspective at work or in your relationships.

Dr. Korey D